Ok I was buying something from a site online Friday, and a pop up came up that will change feelings and will scar my heart forever. Anyway most know I was with a guy for over five years and it was a bond that was like no other. The apple of my eye, the thread in my needle. But he was taken away from me and killed by a drunk driver. My world seemed no more, but what I have found has crushed my heart in tiny little bits. This pop up came on my computer as I was ordering something from a website, it was a pop up from an escort service, and a photo of the guy I was with was on there and I went to the profile and he had a secret life that I did not know about, he has been gone for 6 years now, the site says last time logged on was six years ago and some months and days. Why did he do this? How could I not found out about this? Why? It hurts just as bad as if he was alive and we was still together. We both traveled a lot for work, but still how could I not know about this? I know it is not a fake profile cause some of his clients are people we both known or I knew he knew. Why? I have been through so much hurt, so much pain, and delt with many losses family friends, how come I did not know about this? Why?
When he was killed I was a zombie for over a year, found out my father had lung cancer, and so I snapped out of hit cause I knew I had to be there for him and my mother. Then for my father to die, his heart exploding in my face at the dinning room table, then three months later watching my mom on life support to my one of my cousins being killed for another to die of cancer.. Its like I am in my own little world, and I feel I am buy myself, I already have a major issue of trusting people, I know this is going to make it even worse. Cause I was with him for over five years, and he was ling to me, was cheating on me, and that bound was never there for real, was just on my end and I guess no thought of his.
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